Milestones. Anniversaries.
I find myself appreciating them a whole lot more since my brush with the Big C.
"This day a year ago....."
I think the reason why I acknowledge anniversaries is because it is so damn satisfying to acknowledge that that particular event happened.
Comes back to reflection.
The day I am reflecting on today is one of the best day of my lives.
It's also one of the worst.
The worst. Because it was the day I realised that my body was weak.
The day I felt my body at its lowest.
The chemo had definitely taken hold.
As I walked outside to get some air. Feeling like I was going to vomit everywhere. Running back inside to make it the bathroom. A cold sweat completely taking over me as I leaned over the toilet bowl.
Nothing coming out.
I walked, in what felt like slow motion back up stairs to the Venue where I would shedding my insecurities later that evening.
Walking in to the room where Sophie and Jen where standing.
Taking a seat as the room drifted into small, hazy dots.
And then. Bang. Fainting.
Face planting the wooden floors at full force.
My body was telling me to stop.
S.l.o.w. D.o.w.n.
With a sore face and massively bruised ego I went home to rest while others prepared the evening.
The evening where I saw people give in such a massive way.
So much so that it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it today.
Selfless. Charitable. Devoted. Generous. Loving. Compassionate.
Ask anyone who has had Cancer. Loosing your hair is one of the hardest parts if not the hardest.
"It's just hair..." Some people scoff.
Yeah. It totally is just hair.
But its falling out. In clumps. Right in my hands.
Its just a little degrading. As something out of your control, takes away your appearance.
I tired to ignore it. But the receding hairline could not be ignored any longer and I decided it was time.
So I put it out there. Lets make this into something of a Celebration.
Throwing the big middle finger to Cancer, I - along with an amazing team of people organised the "Big Shave".
Raising money for the Relay for Life.
Our Relay for Life team managed to raise $4000.
As I sat there with two beautiful ladies by my side.
As the cold buzzing hair clippers brushed against my scalp, I literally could not stop smiling as I stared back at a room full of people.
Who were all there to show their support.
Family. Friends & Strangers.
It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.
And as the last piece of hair left my head - I felt the insecurities and the fear leave me.
There was nothing more left for me to hide behind.
The hair was gone. And I was ok with that.
The most liberating thing I have ever done.
9 others shaved their heads.
Survivors. Fighters. and just people who wanted to.
They each hold a very special place in my heart for what they did that day.
Although I dont see all of them that often. Its something that I wont forget.
So hairs to selflessness. (see what I did there?)
Thank you for all of those who showed their support that night.
You were all incredible.
And to my partner Cam. The one who stood by me through out it all.
Hair or no hair. You have seen me at my lowest points and you have stuck around.
You are just wonderful.
And so I leave you. With some memories from this day - A year ago.
A.x
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