{ This day. A year ago. }

This day. A year ago.

The bombshell dropped.

relief. Hanging up the phone.

Breathing in and out.

Ok. I have Cancer.

All I felt was relief.

"The Anticipation is killing me."

Its true. I can see how that could happen.

After a few weeks of tests and just general waiting - I had a direction.

A year on. What can one say?

Not a lot. No words.

Just feelings. Lots of feelings.

I looked back through my old diary.

It tells me where I was and what I was doing when. A good refresher. Its been a hazy year.

Amongst the fertility letters and blood test appointments there was a piece of paper.

A piece of paper I scribbled a goal on not long after the "affirmative.you have cancer" phone call.

All the previous goals didn't matter anymore.

I didn't want success. I didn't want money. I didn't want a holiday. ( Ok. Maybe a holiday )

I wanted to survive. Thats all I wanted.

That feeling. Of knowing that from that day on, I was never going to be the same person again.

I wont forget.

I survived. The odds were in my favor. This is true.

But.

Mentally. Physically & Emotionally. I survived.

What a difference a day makes. 24 little hours.

What a different a year makes. 365 huge days.

Nowadays I look healthy. You wouldn't know what has happened this last year by looking at me.

Just the way I like it.

In fact. A lady asked me where I got my haircut the other day.

Totally threw me. and I stammered over the words that so almost came out of my mouth.

"Oh well I had Cancer." ah. Awkward.

Instead. I just said "I actually shaved my head last year and this is how its grown back."

Leaving that Cancer thing that happened that time behind.

Today I will smile.

Because thats all theres left to do.

Please. Will you smile too?

Today, the next day, the day after that and forever. I will be thankful.

For my supportive friends & family. The supportive strangers.

And my health.

What a beautiful, bitter sweet year its been.

A.x

{ Happiness is not a limited resource }

Was shown this by a lovely lady. You dont have to watch it. but it is amazing.

A tear jerker.

Although it is Cancer related - The main point is universal. 

Over all aspects of your life. 

"The decision to be positive is not one that disregards or belittles the sadness that exists. It is rather a conscious choice to focus on the good and to cultivate happiness. Happiness is not a limited resource and when we devote our energy and time to trivial matters and distress over things that are ultimately insignificant, from that point we perpetuate our own sadness and we lose sight of the things that really make us happy and rationalize our way out of doing amazing things."

{ Christopher Aiff. 21. Osteosarcoma }

Flip that mind set. Amazing things will happen. 

I promise.

A.x

{ 2192 days }

In a second they say your whole life can change.

Its true. We would know.

One thing i am thankful for, is your constant love and support.

You have never faulted.

You are a Man. A kid at heart but a real good guy.

Things havent been smooth sailing. But like we say. We wouldn't have it any other way.

6 years ago today. You coyly asked me to be your Girlfriend.

Just down the road from where we are living now.

Its funny how we have ended up so close to where we started.

In that time we have had many trials. But more so, we have created a many good memory.

Thank you for always standing beside me.

Thank you for being you.

Always.

I love you amigo.

A.x