All I want for Christmas......?

My Blog has become quite the topic of conversation lately. People say that they admire my honesty and my ability to be so open. Yes. I am a VERY open person. I have no problem saying things about myself that most people would be able to say. This has become a bit of problem. I was sitting with my Mum after Cam and I got back from Christchurch yesterday and I was telling her about my trip.
It basically consisted of Periods.....Ovaries.....and semen samples. Mum looked at me and said "Oh you wont put that on your blog will you?" I caught myself mid sentence and thought hmmmmmm I wonder how much detail is acceptable/what people actually want to know about me. Where do I draw the line....I have decided to talk about all that happened on out trip to Christchurch because I know a lot of you genuinely like knowing what is happening. I just want any of you that might not want to know all the details now, so you dont read :)

 We had kind of forgotten is was December and nearing to Christmas until we arrived in Christchurch and went to Riccarton Mall.....CHAOS! They had people directing you where to go to get parks and it was insanely busy inside. The Christmas madness had begun. We havent even started our Christmas Shopping which is typical. We have compiled a list of things we have thought of getting people but that is as far as it goes. This year I am a little bit Team Ba Humbug. I am looking forward to being surrounded by my beautiful Family and eating my heart out but just the whole Christmas thing is a little bit to much to handle at the moment.

The purpose of the trip was for me to learn about how to take the Fertility Drugs. One thing we have learnt very quickly is that things NEVER work out how you expect and things are always a little more complicated. We arrived to the fertility appointment and sat down in the waiting room Either side of us we had to strollers with children inside. The parents would have been in their mid - late 30's. In pop Cam and I who are obviously a little younger, Me in a singlet, jeans + jandles and Cam in his favourite, WELL LOVED/Holey jeans and a shirt with ACID written across it.....Really Cameron! The one time we should probably look like we are well rounded, mature young adults and you chose to wear that shirt. I know they probably weren't but I felt the other couples in the waiting room looking at us. Not married, young adults at a fertility clinic. I felt like saying "I wouldn't normally hang out here but I have Cancer...." Its just amazing how easy it is to judge a book by its cover and as I write this I realise that I probably judged them just as quickly as they judged me...

The children stared too. I know thats what kids do but it just made me chuckle. It was like our fate was staring at us one last time, making sure we knew what we were doing before we signed all the paper work and jumped feet first into this Fertility Pool.

Our names were called and in we went. I cannot fault the Doctors that I have had the privilege of meeting so far. Each one unique but they are all doing their absolute best and making me feel like this is going smoothly. We went through all the documents and signed the many dotted lines. This was basically to say we understood the procedures that would follow and also in the case of either one of passing away, what would we want each other to do with the Embryos. If everything wasn't heavy enough!!! This was also a big appointment for us as we were telling the Doctor what way we wanted to go, which was Embryo Freezing. I wouldn't say there was a lot of pressure, but when we first met the Doctor she was very strong on the point that Cam and I are young and not married and that things can change over time blah blah blah and that later on down the track we might not be together and that leaves embryos to fight over etc etc. I understand that it is their job to say all these things but this WASNT something that we thought over for 5 minutes. We have talked about it and Marriage and children was where we were heading anyway.

Once all the questions had been asked and answered and everything was signed they sprung an Ovary ultrasound on me......Yup.....Up goes the probe and they look around at your goodies aka the ovaries. I have lovely ovaries apparently, Jam packed with eggs. In fact I had 12 on one side and 15 on the other. Good time to make a baby! We were under the understanding that I was due to start my period on the 6th, which is when I ALWAYS get it and my bloods were showing we were on track. I was given my needles + drugs and was shown how to inject them. I just grab a little tummy fat and stick the needle into that and its done :) So we left on the understanding that my period would come in a coule of days and that I would start the injection.......

A few days passed and we were actually meant to go back to Nelson on Sunday but I got a call from the Radiology doctors saying that they needed me for a PET Scan on the Tuesday. The radioactive scans can only be done in Christchurch and the Radioactive injection is flown down from Wellington the morning it will be used. Cam also got the dreaded call to say that he was required to do the all important Semen Sample.....We knew I had the goods and now it was up to Cam to keep his end of the bargain. He did the sample on the Tuesday morning before my appointment. Turns out we both had a little bit of stage fright that day haha. I was due to start my period but there was still no sign of it so I had a blood test and it showed that I am not going to get it for at least another week....This screwed everything up. My Injections and also possibly my Chemo start date. The nurse said that this is normal under the circumstances. That my body is going through and processing a lot and its a little stressed. Crazy what can change!!

It came time for Cammy to do his sample and all went smoothly....He will admit though that it was a lot of pressure and that he did have a little bit of stage fright. Understandable!! Im having stage fright without even knowing it. I then headed for the scan.

A PET scan is basically a CT scan but they inject a Radioactive compound that is attracted to masses such as tumors and can show the energy consumption rather than just its structure, So this would show up any other little bits of cancer that I might have in my body. Because the injection was a sugar substance I had to sit completely still for an hour after the injection. Sugar naturally goes to muscles that are moving, so to prevent these muscles from taking up the radioactive sugar and obscuring normal areas, I had to be still. I was mighty comfortable and even fell asleep. They had a nice lazy boy chair for me and I got to wear a Sexy hospital gown :) After the hour was up I went and had my scan. All went well and they said I had "really nice pictures" which sounds good but I guess I dont really understand what that means....haha We drove back to Nelson the next day.

I am getting quite tired with all that is going on and I really try my best to get a good nights sleep but lately it has been hard. Its not like I am worrying about things, I just cant switch my brain off. My new Fertility Drugs arrived today and I injected myself for the first time this morning while the Nurse from the Fertility Associates talked me through it on the phone. I hesitated for a bit and it was hard to shove the needle into my stomach. Its so unnatural but I have done it now! Now we wait.....See how my levels go and if my period decides to show. This will determine when I will have my eggs harvested and then when I will start Chemo. So a bit of a waiting game but in the mean time I get to stick myself with needles. Cant complain :)

 Seeing all our Beautiful friends in Christchurch was just what we needed. It was so good to see you all and I hope it helped you to see me as much as it helped me seeing you. I will be seeing you all again soon. Now something a little bit cute to leave you with after all the period talk. As we were driving home from Christchurch Cam turned to me and said very sweetly "Once our baby is frozen, does that technically mean we celebrate Mothers Day?" I dont think so Cammy but if you wanna buy me flowers I wont object. I love that Man.

I hope you all are more organised than I am with all this Christmas kerfuffle. Enjoy it with the ones you love. A.x

 PS: Some of you have emailed asking me if I have taken the photos for my blog posts and the answer is yes :) If you want to pop on over to my Photography page on Facebook, Click HERE. If you like what you see, I would very much appreciate you show me some love and click like. Feel free to share with Family and friends.