Dear 2017.

Hello friends,

This time of year is something else. I bloody love it! The hustle and bustle of Christmas dwindles and the summer relaxation begins. I am always inspired to reflect on the year that was, recharge and refocus on what I want to achieve in the new coming year.

It would seem that this year has had change in the air. I began studying towards becoming a primary teacher, my brother moved to Australia and most recently, I got my hair cut off that I had been growing for our wedding which was over a year ago.  

At the end of each year, I sit and write a list of intentions for the coming year. I love the word intentions. It fills me with purpose. The lists are never long. A doable amount. And I only ever put things that are going to nourish me in some way. 

My intentions for 2017:

• Spend less more time online. Like many of us, I am so addicted to the internet and I recognise that I am losing touch with real, honest moments in life. Take a vacation of all technology at least four times during the year.
• Read more. I want to read a book a month. Doable. Considering I have a stack of half-finished books....I'm half way there. 
• Communicate. Old school. Pick up the phone and talk and put pen to paper and put down some thoughts to the ones I love. 
• Walk/move the body more. Since beginning my studies I am finding myself way too sedentary for my liking. 
• Visit my brother and his lady in Australia. Because I miss them and spending time with them genuinely fills me with so much joy. 
• Complete my family diary project. I will talk about this at more length at some stage. 
• Learn about my family heritage. 
• Get up earlier. This is the hardest I think. I LOVE lying in but also LOVE it when I do rise early and achieve so much more. 
• Go to Japan. A few years ago, Cam and I made a vision board and the only thing we are yet to achieve on the board is to go to Japan. We would love to make this happen if possible with study and work etc. 

And the biggest one of all: 

• Successfully complete the second year of my teaching degree with fewer anxiety issues. I have been a perfectionist since as long as I can remember and this year has tested my control freak/perfectionist tendencies to the absolute limit.

I have never been one to suffer from anxiety until a certain diagnosis that we no longer speak of and during that time I learnt just how far I could push myself until my body would literally stop me in my tracks (enter a good dose or two of Lorazepam.) This year I learnt how far I could push myself mentally before my brain would literally have a wee shit fit. 

One moment in particular that made me realise how hard I am on myself mentally. During a rather busy portion of the year where there was a number of assignments due at once. Realistically, when I think back I was totally on top of everything and I was going to get all of the work done easily. Cam organised a date night which consisted of dinner and a movie because in his words "You haven't stopped and had a break in days" (have I mentioned how much I love this guy?) So off to dinner we went and then into the movie theatre we sat. As the lights dimmed and the trailers began to play (which is really my favourite part) I noticed my heart rate rising as this niggly voice in my head was harping on about all of the work I still was yet to complete. The heart rate rise was quickly joined by hot sweats which had me squirming in my seat. The heart rate rise and hot sweats were joined by an increase in sharp, short, shallow breaths which had me sitting up right a little more in my seat. The heart rate rise, hot sweats and sharp, short, shallow breaths were joined by this sensation of claustrophobia and suffocation which had me sharply bolting up out of my seat and announce to Cam "I NEED to get out of here. I don't feel good." I have never experienced anything like it before and after some focused breathing, guided by Cam the heart rate came back down to normal, the body temperature came down to a level which allowed me to put back on the clothes that I had stripped off and thrown all over the floor. It was in this moment that I realised that I needed to get a grip of my mental state and the amount of pressure I was putting myself under.

Anxiety is something we all experience in some way, at some point in our lives. We are all guilty of being our worst critics. And this year I aim to take the little voice in my head by the balls and be kinder to myself. My intention list will aid me in the process. And that is perfect.

So.

Dear 2017,

Let's try and do better than 2016. 

2016 had us all feeling all the feels. And mostly they were pretty crappy feels. 

More love. Less hate. 

May you have more compassion for all human beings no matter their skin colour, sexuality or religion.

And show us how to be kinder to ourselves and one another. 

Be good to us. 

And seriously. Enough about Kimye. Even a self confessed reality tv junkie has had enough. 

Thanks,

A.x