{ This day. A year ago. }

This day. A year ago.

The bombshell dropped.

relief. Hanging up the phone.

Breathing in and out.

Ok. I have Cancer.

All I felt was relief.

"The Anticipation is killing me."

Its true. I can see how that could happen.

After a few weeks of tests and just general waiting - I had a direction.

A year on. What can one say?

Not a lot. No words.

Just feelings. Lots of feelings.

I looked back through my old diary.

It tells me where I was and what I was doing when. A good refresher. Its been a hazy year.

Amongst the fertility letters and blood test appointments there was a piece of paper.

A piece of paper I scribbled a goal on not long after the "affirmative.you have cancer" phone call.

All the previous goals didn't matter anymore.

I didn't want success. I didn't want money. I didn't want a holiday. ( Ok. Maybe a holiday )

I wanted to survive. Thats all I wanted.

That feeling. Of knowing that from that day on, I was never going to be the same person again.

I wont forget.

I survived. The odds were in my favor. This is true.

But.

Mentally. Physically & Emotionally. I survived.

What a difference a day makes. 24 little hours.

What a different a year makes. 365 huge days.

Nowadays I look healthy. You wouldn't know what has happened this last year by looking at me.

Just the way I like it.

In fact. A lady asked me where I got my haircut the other day.

Totally threw me. and I stammered over the words that so almost came out of my mouth.

"Oh well I had Cancer." ah. Awkward.

Instead. I just said "I actually shaved my head last year and this is how its grown back."

Leaving that Cancer thing that happened that time behind.

Today I will smile.

Because thats all theres left to do.

Please. Will you smile too?

Today, the next day, the day after that and forever. I will be thankful.

For my supportive friends & family. The supportive strangers.

And my health.

What a beautiful, bitter sweet year its been.

A.x