{ Hair today, gone tomorrow } - Reflection

Milestones. Anniversaries.

I find myself appreciating them a whole lot more since my brush with the Big C.

"This day a year ago....."

I think the reason why I acknowledge anniversaries is because it is so damn satisfying to acknowledge that that particular event happened.

Comes back to reflection.

The day I am reflecting on today is one of the best day of my lives.

It's also one of the worst.

The worst. Because it was the day I realised that my body was weak.

The day I felt my body at its lowest.

The chemo had definitely taken hold.

As I walked outside to get some air. Feeling like I was going to vomit everywhere. Running back inside to make it the bathroom. A cold sweat completely taking over me as I leaned over the toilet bowl.

Nothing coming out.

I walked, in what felt like slow motion back up stairs to the Venue where I would shedding my insecurities later that evening.

Walking in to the room where Sophie and Jen where standing.

Taking a seat as the room drifted into small, hazy dots.

And then. Bang. Fainting.

Face planting the wooden floors at full force.

My body was telling me to stop.

S.l.o.w. D.o.w.n.

With a sore face and massively bruised ego I went home to rest while others prepared the evening.

The evening where I saw people give in such a massive way.

So much so that it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it today.

Selfless. Charitable. Devoted. Generous. Loving. Compassionate.

Ask anyone who has had Cancer. Loosing your hair is one of the hardest parts if not the hardest.

"It's just hair..." Some people scoff.

Yeah. It totally is just hair.

But its falling out. In clumps. Right in my hands.

Its just a little degrading. As something out of your control, takes away your appearance.

I tired to ignore it. But the receding hairline could not be ignored any longer and I decided it was time.

So I put it out there. Lets make this into something of a Celebration.

Throwing the big middle finger to Cancer, I - along with an amazing team of people organised the "Big Shave".

Raising money for the Relay for Life.

Our Relay for Life team managed to raise $4000.

As I sat there with two beautiful ladies by my side.

As the cold buzzing hair clippers brushed against my scalp, I literally could not stop smiling as I stared back at a room full of people.

Who were all there to show their support.

Family. Friends & Strangers.

It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

And as the last piece of hair left my head - I felt the insecurities and the fear leave me.

There was nothing more left for me to hide behind.

The hair was gone. And I was ok with that.

The most liberating thing I have ever done.

9 others shaved their heads.

Survivors. Fighters. and just people who wanted to.

They each hold a very special place in my heart for what they did that day.

Although I dont see all of them that often. Its something that I wont forget.

So hairs to selflessness. (see what I did there?)

Thank you for all of those who showed their support that night.

You were all incredible.

And to my partner Cam. The one who stood by me through out it all.

Hair or no hair. You have seen me at my lowest points and you have stuck around.

You are just wonderful.

And so I leave you. With some memories from this day - A year ago.

A.x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{ Ryan & Sheree } - Engaged.

Delicious light. 

Exploring one of my favourite areas just out of Nelson.

With a newly engaged and very happy couple.

Ryan & Sheree returned to Nelson after exploring parts of the world. 

I drooled over their experiences in Africa and Asia over coffee after we finished the shoot.

All the best you two.

It was a pleasure to Photograph you both again.

A.x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{ Survivor } - An update.

" I like living. 

I have sometimes been wildly,

despairingly, racked with sorrow, 

but through it all

I still know quite

certainly that just to be

alive is a grand thing."

~ Agatha Christie ~

I am certainly enjoying living. Life. Doing. Seeing. Creating. Moments. Memories. 

While at my three monthly check up last week, my Doctor said "Are you still Blogging?"

I have felt like I havent had much to talk about. 

But in actual fact. 

For those people who read my blog, who are going through treatment - I guess it would be nice to read what happens as you get on with your life after the big C. 

So this is an update. 

On the subject of check up - All is well. We have certainly scared that Cancer thing into not returning.

I just love the open relationship that you create with your Oncologist.

"So! Still having periods?"

"Constipated?"

Before I was diagnosed, those sorts of questions would have had me blushing and probably whispering my answers back to the doctor. 

Yes & No. Things are.....well normal.

I am so super happy of all things that my periods have returned. I am positive that we have given my body just the right amount of weed killer to get rid of the bastard and still not destroy my fertility. 

Yusss!

The only thing left to sort is my Thyroid.

I have been having issues with fatigue and dizzy spells.

I initially thought it may have been my blood pressure but that was checked and was all good.

So we start work on getting my Thyroid levels spot on. 

I have read somewhere that a few survivors have issues with their Thyroids after Chemo treatments.

So it may just be all a part of it.

~

Life seems to have taken off this year.

I am Loving. Loving. Loving Photographing again.

And I have also been working as a Chiropractors Assistant for a few months now.

I work within a Team of people who are so wellness orientated and it truly has been the best thing for me.

It has been challenging at times. Training the old brain to function like it used to.

Get the clogs running again.

I quite often repeat things/stories. Most people are polite to just listen to it yet again.

Others are quite quick to tell me that they have in fact had the same exact conversation with me before.

It can be frustrating at times. Of course you notice the lack of brain power and it can be a little disheartening.

It has gotten better over time. and will continue to get better.

I am also starting a Small Business Management course in March.

Yup. Getting my head around the Business side of things is just what I need to do.

It will be so beneficial.

So all in all life is great.

~

I am here. I am getting to celebrate some pretty big milestones in my friends and families lives.

That. I am I so grateful for. 

It is hard sometimes. Having had this experience. I have met so many people at treatments.

And one of those Special People. A lady who was quite dear to Cam & I. Lost her battle.

It ripped out our hearts.

We shared a common goal of surviving. And to be out the other side without the people that were walking along side you, striving for the same thing.

It gets you.

Forgive me if this next statement offends anyone.

But there can be a sense of guilt when you are Survivor.

When others dont get the same chance.

You know theres nothing you can do to change the outcome but you still feel guilty.

I try to shake it off. And I literally say out loud what I grateful for.

And I live.

Because as we all know. But are so quick to forget.

You never know what is around the corner in life.

~

I have curly hair again.

{ little happy dance }

I openly disliked my curls before having Cancer.

Now I will take them back and embrace them.

Is it just me. Or is this year already flying by...?

Its March soon. And I will turn 23.

I was 21 when I was diagnosed.

Shit. Where does the time go?

Right. So the update is over.

Life is going well and is exciting. Except for our Cat passing away. That hasn't been ideal at all.

Our logic. Is that she was sent to us to help us get through all that has happened and the fact that she has now left us, can only mean that I am going to be ok.

Do we sound a little crazy? We dont care.

(If you knew the circumstances of how we became to own Pixel you would understand our logic.)

Doesn't make it any easier though. Best cat ever.

Little hiccups along the road of life.

Other wise its all rainbows, sunshine rays and daisies.

Lastly.

For all you troopers. The people fighting the good fight.

Remember.

"Its going to take a while. 

It's normal to take a while.

You've just gotta fight your way through."

~ Ira Glass ~

A.x

{ Nick & Chelsea - Married. }

Nick & I go way back.
Back to the burgundy school uniform Nay - Col days.
In fact. Nick & I once played Husband & Wife in the play - The Crucible.
Not the ideal love/marriage story. Full of witches and lies.
I have to chuckle when I think of my time spent with Nick at High School.

It makes it all the more special to see him now.
Marrying his Love Chelsea.

Chelsea.
She is a lovely lady.
Chelsea and her equally beautiful sisters are triplets.
And they are so, so loved.

Their smiles & laughter are totally infectious.

After a rather horrific (understatement) flight in and out of Wellington - I made it to New Plymouth.
Greeted with big smiles as I stumbled into the Airport.
My flight experience was quickly forgotten about as I joined the buzz and excitement that was Chelsea & Nick's big day.

I spent 4 days with both of their families and I was made to feel so Welcome.

Thank you all for allowing me in to your lives at such an important and special time.

Nick and Chelsea. I wish you both all the best with your life together.
You are in safe hands.

A.x